Today is July 19. There is nothing special about this day except I am writing. I truly have a desire to write, just always find other things to think about or do beside writing. There are times the thoughts come to me quickly, easily like someone or something is pouring them into my mind and then there are times I feel like I can't think a coherent thought for the life of me! Either way, I still have that desire to put down something. So today, I am writing. Following my heart or mind, whichever is in control of the writing process, and see where it may lead. I have given myself 15 minutes to put something on paper...err....screen and time is ticking.
I love my God. I love my life in Him. I love my sweet husband, Peter. These thoughts bring tears to my eyes. Why should I cry over love? Why are my emotions so deep that even slight whispers of a thought of my Lord brings a smile, and a picture of my Pete comes so easily to my mind followed by a wish to spend more and more time with him. My life, as broken and crazy as it is, is sweet with love.
There IS one love that saddens me. How little my love of other broken people is. I truly have a desire to reach others with comfort and encouragement, but fall so short when the time comes. I face many a person with a blank stare, either because I can't remember their name, or remember their circumstance, or haven't met them before and am afraid to. Fear. There's the word. I don't fear my husband, or my God as far as worrying about making a fool of myself in front of them. They already know how silly I am! But other people? I really don't trust myself to them. Not that I think they will do something bad, that's not it at all. It's that I will do something or say something that will make THEIR life worse. I do NOT want to add hurt to other people. We live in a world of hurt. But by not pushing through my fear and trying anyway, I can't encourage, comfort or love either.
So there it is. A big wall of fear. And how many times has my Lord, the one I love so much, how many times has he told me not to fear? Perfect love casts out fear, for heaven's sake! And I have seen how love casts out fear by living with my hubby...and our love is great, awesome, wonderful!...but not perfect. So to end today's writing, for my timer has gone off, my plan, my prayer, is to cast off the insecure fear of hurting others, throw off the burden of looking and acting perfect, and climb into God's perfect love, learn from my loving husband, and love others anyway. There! More to come later, I'm sure....