Job 17:11-12 (NIV)
My days have passed, my plans are shattered.
Yet the desires of my heart
turn night into day;
in the face of the darkness light is near.
I have been feeling rather...mortal lately. I had a great friend, a sister-at-heart, pass away very suddenly. She had been a part of my life for 47 years and there is a hole left where she used to be. Through the years we fluctuated between being close and talking daily to not being in touch for months at a time. But always, when we got together, we seemed to pick up where we left off, laugh thru our struggles and good times, hug, and let life go on.
She left a list of accolades that were phenomenal: Four different degrees. A life spent searching for the new, the unknown, with a love for people and nature alike. Her grave site was specially chosen for it's trees and beauty, but also for people to visit. She will have a bench instead of a headstone to invite everyone to sit and laugh...thru the struggles and good times of life.
My life has felt like an increasing avalanche down a steep mountainside lately. I try to work, write, even clean house, only to have things left undone at the end of the day. The projects not finished and my life slipping away with each breath was becoming overwhelming. Then my sweet friend leaving was the ultimate reality check! It was like a cold brick of ice hitting me in the face: I am mortal! I WILL die someday! And what have I left undone that God had put on my heart to do?!
So my blog title is 'Planning'. It is a God chosen title for I have been in deep conversation with Him about my life...yeah, about my struggles and good times. He has shown me many things: How I have let important things go by the wayside because they became difficult and fearful. This blog for one *sigh* but also other plans I had in the past. And I haven't loved people deeply for fear of rejection or getting hurt. But He also showed me the good things I have accomplished, too. Raising four children, all who are believers in His Son. Being faithful to a marriage of almost 34 years. Growing, with His help, out of religion and into His kingdom. There are other good and bad not listed, trust me, but these are some that came to mind.
With a deep desire to know His will, I have consulted the Lord. Listened to His teaching in Matthew, in Corinthians, trusted friends advice, and other writings. He has come thru loudest in these verses:
Psalm 20:2-5 (NIV)
May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
and
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
The desire of my heart and my plan is to love Him more. To love others with a love like His. To serve like Jesus Messiah. To care for people, not only the way my dear friend did, but the way my Lord did. With my limited physical ability this will become quite creative, but one thing I CAN do is blog. I can write. So I will be taking a creative writing class (and practicing on my blog for sure!), continuing my embroidery work for charity, (Anyone need something embroidered? Proceeds go to Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and Tulsa Medical Missions Teams.), and I will be keeping and eye out for where God is working in a way I can join Him.
So I will say like Job,
"My days have passed, my plans are shattered.
Yet the desires of my heart
turn night into day;
in the face of the darkness light is near."
and I will move into the light and work out my plans in His kingdom until He decides my work is finished.
I'm doing my happy dance btw!
With loving remembrance of
Pamela Borovetz Sturgeon
January 19, 1928 - January 28, 2011
